Look around you – does it bring you joy?
Look at the crap in your house – does it bring you joy?
Look at the company you keep – does it bring you joy?
If yes, great, do more.
If not, get rid.
The more you talk, the more you solidify your views and opinions in the world.
The problem is, people will also reinforce their impression of you, which will not be how you see or feel about yourself.
People will always relate what they see of you to their experiences and problems.
You therefore have to say less and observe them more.
What are their problems? What are their experiences? What is their reference framework?
The better you get at observing and understanding this, the more you’ll be able to control how you appear to others.
It’s never about what you want to say, but what you want others to understand, and to do that you need to understand them and how they understand.
“It is a great folly to hope that other men will harmonise with us: I have never hoped this.
I have always regarded each man as an independent individual, whom I endeavored to understand with all his peculiarities, but from whom I desired no further sympathy.
In this way I have been able to converse with every man, and thus alone is produced the knowledge of various characters and the dexterity necessary for the conduct of life.”
We all to often fall into the trap of trying to win by proving things.
We’ve got x amount of y, we can offer 10x more than any one else, we’ve seen z% incremental uplift.
Problem is, no one makes decisions based on logic.
It’s how do you make them feel.
The kindle is dying, but not after a huge spike in popularity because of how it made people feel.
No one normal can read 5000 books in 100 years, so what on earth is the purpose of being able to take them to Marbella?
It’s so you can carry Tom Sawyer, Shakespeare and Paul O’Grady in your pocket.
You can be a pirate, a spy, an emotional wreck and a Queen at the touch of a button.
People forgot what they needed and bought a dream.
Sell a feeling, a benefit to lives, a dream.
“You must allow everyone the right to exist in accordance with the character he has, whatever it turns out to be: and all you should strive to do is to make use of this character in such a way as its kind of nature permits, rather than to hope for any alteration in it, or to condemn it offhand for what it is.”
In a world where we’re charged on time or for a specific product, it’s very difficult for people to see the value in what didn’t happen.
Confirmation bias suggests that there is a old and true ways of doing things but this is never ever the case.
Books do not relate to you and your situation perfectly, and neither do solutions.
The art of seeing where things are going and nudging in the right direction to avoid mishap is a rare skill, but it’s scarcity means it’s under appreciated.
In every opportunity you need to weigh up the benefits of doing it and the cost of not doing it.
You therefore need to find ways to open their eyes to what could have been.
The problem in our fast paced, often self-centred world is that we don’t take time to step back and appreciate others, losing our sense of compassion for difference.
Appreciate that people above you is not there to be a better person than you, or better at your job than you are, but utilising a specific set of skills.
Appreciate the people on your level for the diversity of interests, skills and experiences they have.
Appreciate people starting out for their enthusiasm, different take on the world and willingness to learn & make mistakes.
Appreciate people for who they are, faults and all – you’ll be better together in the long run and be happier in the mean time.